A Link, As An Easy Return

I came across this short illustrated guide to Hasidic women's head-coverings, and thought t would be a good way to get back to posting here...

Here it is: Shpitzels, frisettes, sheitls, and more

I'm interested in the differences between the various sorts of small amounts of false hair that are delineated here- especially how restrained false hair is labeled so differently from loose false hair.  I'd love photos as well as the illustrations, but they do make the differentiation very clear.  I partiularly love the note at the end, about wigs: "The last is considerate very liberal headgear in Williamsburg, and women are often asked not to enter a synagogue uncovered."

In the meantime, I've added a new blog project that has been getting a bunch of my attention during the little one's naps- Nursing At Shul, where I'm putting out information that people share with me about breastfeeding in the synagogues they go to.

I've been camera-less for a while, but it has recently been restored to me, so hopefully we'll be back in business" with both photos and textual content.

Wigs and Men, or Halakha of the Toupee, Part 1

I forget quite how this one came to my attention, but it's Jewish head covering, of a less-than-frequently-discussed variety.  Having built all that excitement (and as you saw from the title), the question is about men's toupees.  Namely: how do you wear tefillin if you wear a toupee?

Clearly, you can see the connections to women who wear tichels/scarves, sheitels/wigs, hats (hats), etc and still want to put on tefillin in a public space.  This stuff can get tricky to accomplish, so what does the halakha have to say about it?  Does the tefillah shel rosh have to touch the head?

The Mishnah Brurah (27:16, commenting on Shulchan Arukh 27:4 "Nothing should make a separation (חציצה) between the tefillin and your flesh, whether the tefillin for the hand or the head", and the Rema: "This is specifically about the tefillin, but one does not need to be careful about the straps") considers the question, and gives the following comment:

אין להקפיד - והאחרונים כתבו דאין להקל רק במקום הכריכות אבל מה ששייך להקשירה יש להחמיר אף ברצועות בין בשל יד ובין בשל ראש וכתבו תוכחת מגולה על המניחים התפילין ע"ג פאה נכרית הנקרא פארוק"ה ואפילו אם רק הרצועה מונח על הפאה נכרית. ומ"מ משמע מדברי המ"א והח"א דאם יש לו מכה בראשו ורק במקום שהרצועות מונחים ולא במקום הקציצה מותר לו להניח הרצועות ע"ג סמרטוטין שעל המכה או ע"ג כובע דק ולברך אע"ג שיש חציצה בין הרצועות כיון דבמקום הקציצה אין חציצה וכן בשל יד אם יש לו מכה אפילו במקום הקף הקשר שסביב ידו מותר לו להניח הקף הקשר ע"ג סמרטוטין ולברך אך בזה יזהר לכסות מלמעלה כדי שיתקיים לך לאות 

ולא לאחרים לאות:

Translation:
One does not need to be careful: And the Achronim wrote that one only needs to be careful in the place where they come together.  However, since it is pertinent to the knots, one should be stringent also with the straps, both for the tefillin of the hand and of the head.  And they wrote a clear rebuke about wearing tefillin over the foreign hair called a perukeh (i.e. a wig), even if only the straps rest on the false hair.  And in any case, we learn from the words of the Magen Avraham and the Hayei Adam that if one has a wound on his head and it is only in the place where the straps cross, and not where the tefillin itself sit, it is permissible to wear a rag or a thin hat, and to bless (upon putting on the tefillin), even though there is a separation (חציצה) between the person and the straps, since there is no separation where the tefillin itself sit.  Thus too for the tefillin of the hand...

Comment:
This halakha seems to be somewhat self-contradictory: why should it be okay for straps to rest on bandage, but not on a wig?  Perhaps it is because the bandage is temporary and prevents pain (and possibly blood getting on your tefillin straps), while the wig is likely on-going but more easily removable.  [A historical note: the Mishnah Berurah's author lived from 1839 to 1933, so late for men to be regularly wearing wigs, even when he was young.]

On the one hand, the Shulchan Arukh on its own would seem to open up the wearing of tefillin with the straps over a wig or other covering, as long as one was careful not to let anything come between oneself and the tefillin.  However, the Mishnah Berurah is considerably more concerned, and forbids this, even though it cites what sounds like a permissive precedent, namely the case of bandages under the straps being permitted.

The Mishnah Berurah's reasoning is based on concern that the knots of the tefillin straps Do need to touch the person without any separation, which he extends from the knots to the entire volume of the straps.

Finally Back: Sharing Kippah Reactions

Hello All,
I'm sorry I've been AWOL for so long.  I started out taking a break because I had a terrible first trimester of pregnancy and didn't have the energy for pretty much anything- certainly not for putting anything interesting on my head or writing anything worthwhile.  Since then, I've been out of the habit.

However, I saw a blog post that was worth sharing with you today, sharing the reactions that a (female) colleague received while wearing a kippah in Israel.  So I'm using that to get back into blogging, although I imagine that another break is likely when baby makes their appearance in a few months.  Hopefully, it will be a shorter break.

Talking About Coverings of Different Sorts

I'm once again thinking about how I talk about how and why I cover.  I'm rather waiting for my new Hebrew school class to ask about it (I'm not teaching twice a week at a reform movement Hebrew school, and subbed at another yesterday), and so I'm trying to think about how best to explain it in a way that neither puts down the practice nor implies that their own parents ought to be doing so.  It's a familiar balancing act- I id it a lot when I was explaining wearing a kippah- but not one I've always been good at.

And appropriately enough for the topic, a friend shared this- a performance artist's piece about why she covers her head, although it's pretty much a manifesto about tzniut, where the head covering is just the starting point.

Still, for all that I get uncomfortable with turning my choice about how to perform a mitzvah into a one-message item, the beginning does capture the awkwardness of these conversations.  Also, the opportunity for vulnerability and real human connection.  Asking about a religious symbol is one of the only socially acceptable ways to ask someone about the choices they make about self-presentation.  It's no wonder that I have, on so many occasions, felt vulnerable when people have asked me these questions, and reacted defensively.

What I want to be able to do is to answer in a way that shows that vulnerability and true humanity.  It isn't what the symbol is that matters, so much, as the opportunity it gives to share a piece of human experience and decision-making.  The only thing is, it's hard to do, and even more so when the question comes without preparation or warning.

So I'm rather looking forward to my kids asking about my scarf.  Maybe I can make a real connection when I talk about it, this time.

My First Tutorial

I finally sat down and just did it- here's my very first video tutorial, for one of my recent favorite mildly-dressy style.  It basically looks like Heidi braids- only done with 2 tichels and a ribbon.  Think of it as a braided variation on the dutch crown, but with only a very moderate amount of height added.

So without further ado:


If that doesn't work for you, here's the link to it on youtube.

Reaction: "My Kippah, Myself"

This article resonates with my own experiences.  It is one woman's description of her experiences wearing a kippah for the last 20 years, starting at age 9.  She shares some of the challenges she has experienced- and the theology and identity that lead her to make, and to continue to make, that decision.  It's worth the read.

I didn't start wearing a kippah as early as Gila Drazen did, nor as consistently- I often swapped over to a folded scarf or a headband.  But when I wore a kippah on the street (or at the grocery store, department store, post office...) I got the same reactions that Drazen did.  They were glorious and they were miserable.  They were, most of all, inescapable.  By the time I went to Israel, it's no wonder that I didn't have the energy for the infamous "Ben O Bat"?" (Are you a boy or a girl?) conversations that many of my friends have had.

Drazen's story reminds me of my own in so many ways.  There is no moment of definition- there's only her moment of recognition that she's known all along- the kippah her parents give her is sparkly, purple and Jewish, of course she was going to wear it all the time.  For me, it was an even earlier moment of "I'm Jewish", therefore- for me, I was 5, and I insisted that my parents send me to Hebrew School.  Her story resonates in its very lack of revolutionary energy.  There is nothing at odds with the Jewish life she already was living in this decision- it barely Was a decision.  It's only later, interfacing with the external world of the broader Jewish community and the non-Jewish world that it becomes a challenge.

I too had a conversation with a man in a black hat about my kippah- except I didn't get to have the conversation.  I was walking with two Jewish men (with kippot and tzitzit) and a non-Jewish woman, a Protestant seminarian, after an interfaith conference.  A man drove by, pulled over, and asked my male colleagues- "why is she wearing that?" I tried to answer- he didn't look at me, or listen to my answer.  "Who said she could wear that?" "Why can't she just bake challah and light candles?" My colleagues tried to answer him- they said what I might have said, only more politely.  Our Protestant company was passed by without comment, although she was wearing jeans, and a low-cut shirt.  But my kippah (over a dress and long-sleeve, high-necked shirt)- now That was confusing, and a threat.

It's a reminder that clothing can be about us as much as it is about our way of shaping how other people see us.  There is a connection between identity and identification, obviously- but the way that the kippah gets grabbed as a signboard can be very trying when one wants to send no message more controversial than Ï am a Jew who is in relationship with God".

In the end, Drazen's message is one I heartily approve of, even as someone who no longer wears a kippah herself- at least when you can see me:

My kippah is not about you any more than the rest of the way I present myself is about you. My kippah is about me, it’s about God. It’s about Judaism and family and tradition. You are not the official arbiter of what Judaism is or is not. I do not require your understanding or your approval; however, respect is appreciated. 

Have you had one of these experiences?   Are you curious about why women wear a kippah, or how they made that choice?  This is an open space for respectful communication about the topic.  Please share stories, questions, and answers.  Anything disrespectful will be removed as soon as I can.

"Holy Hair": Interfaith Awarenesses

Over on Morethodoxy, Rachel Kohl Finegold shares her experience of an interfaith panel at Le Mood.  In short, in reaction to Quebec's proposed law against wearing "religious symbols" while working in public life, they held an interfaith panel discussion, in which head and hair covering became a major topic, in discussion with a Sikh gentleman.

Finegold finds a place where she has more privilege than her Sikh co-panelist: she can pass as just someone wearing a hat, whereas his turban is visibly a religious item.  Her observance would be marginally safer than his, if this law passed.  She is less visibly different.

She also finds in herself a new sensitivity. The Sikh feel discomfort about having his turban patted down, based on Sikh belief that the head is a holy part of the body, not to be touched by other people.  Hearing this, Finegold realizes that her own experiences in airport security are offensive to her.  People ask her to take off her hat, which feels to her like being asked to take off her shirt.  She'd never been offended by it before, but now, she was noticing the cultural insensitivity of the request.

She says that the conversation "sensitized me to my own tzniut".  And yes, in a context where covering is the norm, it would be offensive to ask someone to uncover their head or hair.  But in a world where indeed, she might pass, whether she is intending to or not, I have this feeling that there is also room for patience and tolerance- because the TSA folks might just not know.  Educating the uninformed is worthwhile, getting offended at them may be more reaction that is needed.  At least, that's my reaction today.

It seems that visibility cuts both ways.  It's riskier- but you can also use that visibility to advocate for yourself and your community.

I'd never considered covering my head as inconspicuous, but I suppose that with a hat, on the street, it is.  It's always a little squiggly feeling, noticing a privilege you have, if you want it, when you usually feel visibly identified and identifiable.  I wonder if that's what Ms Finegold was feeling.

Do you feel like you can hide your religious identity when it's convenient?  How does that feel for you?

Some Tribute Photos As I Try New Styles

I've seen two really interesting new style videos recently.  One was Wrapunzel's criss-cross wrap.  Here are my first attempts.

I'm doing this without layering underneath, so my criss-crosses are closer together than her's, and the scarf forms a slightly different shape on my head.

The ear-covering is really necessary for this style while putting it on.  At first, I thought it was a necessity, but I've now tried popping my ears out, and everything seems to remain pretty solid, and for me, that's Much more comfortable.  The effect is barely minimized.
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The second is The Daily Tichel's video on how to use a shirt as a tichel.

(The above is a short-sleeve synthetic top.  Useful, since it's hard to match turquoises, and I don't have a brown tichel.  But the short sleeves made it a little tricky- it's basically just knotted around itself in the back.)
My first thought was that this was a great thing to keep in mind for emergencies, or for the very creative.  But as I played around with different shirts, I realized that it was a really interesting way to make use of things like ruffles around the collar.

I did these without an underscarf or added volume (although I'd probably use one for all-day wear, mostly, especially since a lot of the shirts I was playing with were synthetic and a bit slippery or stretchy), since I was just experimenting.

Long sleeves provide some different options than short-sleeves do.

 (As here, there's a full wrap-around the bun.  Also, they do a good dutch-crown sort of affair, or just layered around the top.)

A lot of these wraps feel a little less secure, probably because I'm not practiced with them yet.  One of the things I enjoyed was that they made some pretty neat pony-tail arrangements.

A Basic Link

Here's a handy link to a video demonstrating how to use a pashmina scarf in place of a volumizer, for those of us who don't have one, from The Daily Tichel. 

I've yet to try her technique out (very similar to the one on Wrapunzel, although I'm too lazy to go find the right video to link to, right now).  I'll let you know how it works for me when I do.  

My Ambivalence About How-To Style Videos

I just came across a bunch of how-to videos that Judith De Paris, an online tichel seller, has up, explaining how to put on the various styles of scarves that she sells.  She sells a lot of scarves that are cut specifically for head covering, so they have different shapes and whatnot, and I imagine that a quick how-to is quite useful.

 (I've never bought or made a scarf in one of these styles, as I generally try to be pretty thrifty, and these tend to be a little more money than I want to invest in one scarf.  I have thought about making one, in one of the styles.)

However, these how-to videos all basically say "this is the one right way to wear this thing".

I've got to disagree.  This is the simplest way to wear that scarf.  It's the most obvious.  But the only way?  No.

I want head covering to be a way that I express my creativity.  It's a way of bringing your own sense of beauty and artistry into this mitzvah on a daily basis (or however often you cover, or however often you find time and inspiration to be creative with it).

I want to ask those videos- can I mix this specialized item with another regular scarf?   What about with additional accessories?  Can I fold it up in some way if I feel comfortable showing some of my hair, and want to, that day?

 I want to have fun, not just be beautiful in a prescribed way.  This is my adult woman's version of dress-up.  Does this scarf play nicely with others?

AWOL But Back Soon, and A Link

Work's been very busy, and I really haven't had time or energy for blogging lately.  This busy patch should be over in another week or week and a half.  So expect me back somewhere in the next couple of weeks.

But to tide you over until then, here's a link to an impressive video that will show you how to use a scarf to copy Princess Leah's hair-do, because it was just too good not to share.  As the demonstrator says, though, don't wear it if you need to listen carefully to something, all that fabric over the ears makes it hard to hear.

Maybe I'll give it a try sometime.  We'll see...

Haircut, Style, and Covering

I read this article a few days ago, and somehow, although it's explicitly about short haircuts, and eccentric haircuts, it felt like something worth sharing here.  Here's the general claim of the article:
"Hair doesn’t make anyone beautiful but anyone can make their hair beautiful by rocking the ever-loving everything out of it. Have the length of hair you want at any given moment".
And that's something that I think is totally part of the style message that I want to send (even if most of the article is about cutting your hair off, and my hair is now the longest that it's ever been, and I'm pretty crazy about that).  To apply it to my topic at hand, I really believe in this covering thing- but do it in the way that rocks your world (not a phrase I'd usually use ever).  

The phrase that caught my attention is "command of her own presence".  Making your own decisions is taking command of your own presence, it's owning what you do with your body.  And it takes courage to do that.  Especially when I wore a kippah much of the time, it took courage to be myself, and to let other people react to it however they were going to react.  I still have those moments, although they're fewer.  

In other words, "Sometimes, in cutting off this type of hair, you really achieve a wider, louder broadcast of your identity as it is and as you want it to be."  The head has this power to project identity.  A headshot is all we put on drivers' licenses and passports because it's enough to see our heads in order to see who we are.  So doing something authentic to yourself with your head is a really powerful way of signalling who you really are.  

In other words- go forth and be yourself.  It seemed like a message worth sharing.  

How's That for A Hat (or Veil)?

The article this links to isn't much- but take a look at the bride's covering(s).  How's that for a hat?  Or a veil?  Or a hat+veil?  Take a look particularly at the 5th and, most clearly, 7th photographs.

Being Seen: A Reflection on "My Fashion Choices—and My Husband’s—Reveal the Risks of Looking Hasidic"

A friend pointed out this article, in which the author compares how it felt to wear a wig on the train on her own, to do so in the company of her husband in Hasidic clothing, and  to wear a scarf on the train.

Useful Links

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner is running a giveaway for a headcovering by myheadcoverings.com.  To enter, check our her post, and follow the instructions there (basically, pick something you'd choose from the site if you won the giveaway, and put in in her comments).

In nosing around the myheadcoverings site, I found a lovely set of written instructions for some basic scarf styles.  Many of these styles are great stepping-off points for two-scarf variations as well, although those instructions aren't given on the site.

Vintage Hair Pieces

And for a moment of consideration about wigs, hair pieces, and other ways of changing the way your head looks, here's a remarkable photo.  (Found here, linked up here.)  When does it become apparent that the hair on your head isn't yours?  Are these dramatic enough to proclaim "This has to be a wig"?  Does it matter?


If you wear a wig, do you want people to know or not?

Inspiration

Once in a while, I start to feel like I'm doing the same things with my head, over and over again.  I feel that way about clothing rather more often (I'm less experimental with clothes, especially work clothes.)  I just get bored.  I slip into the same style, over and over again.

And I have No ideas for what to do to change things up.

Whether it's a simple bun style, or a multitude of different layers, I get "stuck".  I need some new inspiration.

Sometimes I find that inspiration in blog posts, especially at Wrapunzel or Rivka Malka, or some of the hijab videos I find on youtube.  (Do any of you know of good covering-related websites with inspiring photographs?)

Other times, I find that inspiration after a week of dull wraps, and a half an hour of play and experimentation in front of my mirror, creating a variety of ideas that don't work, and one or two that do.

Sometimes I find inspiration in leafing through old pictures of myself, and noticing an idea that I used to wear all the time, then forgot about when I got excited about something new.

 Sometimes I see someone wearing something interesting at shul or on the train, that I want to check out for myself.

How do you re-find your inspiration?

P.S. And for an unrelated other sort of inspiration, because I saw it and loved it: How are nail polish and tefillin connected, and how could that possibly be inspiring?

Volumizers

While my hair is quite long, it's also very fine, meaning that when I put my hair up in a bun, it doesn't support some styles of wrap- especially ones that have lots of layers going over the top of the head, or which want some bulk to create a sense of balance.  I've experimented with layering scarves underneath, as in this style:

And I've seen an excellent tutorial for using a long scarf and tucking it underneath itself, although I haven't managed to make it work for me.  I think I put my bun too low- but that's where it feels most comfortable and natural to me.

There are also commercial padded volumizers  sold, like these (pictures courtesy of Pesky Settler), and available online as well.

And then, there's the DIY approach, for which I found an interesting tutorial here.  It looks easy, and fairly cheap.  When I get the materials together, I'm going to try this one myself.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Do you bother with this?  What are your techniques?

A Couple of Links and My Thoughts

Here's another post with advice on what sorts of hats suit which face shapes.  I'm still looking for one that takes into account that you might want to put your hair up in the hat, but in the meantime, this is still helpful, I think.  However, I'd have to actually figure out my face shape in order to understand the advice.  I've read the descriptions and they always baffle me a bit.

And another perspective on adjusting to covering your head or hair.  Melissa's very intentional gradual transition connected to me to my own experience of engagement very strongly.  Here I was, "off the market" and yet not yet married, and feeling like it was an appropriate time to start playing with the equivalent of an engagement ring on my head.  Of course, I already covered partially, for other reasons, but already at that point, it made me start thinking of my caps and headbands as double-purpose coverings.  It also meant that I already had lots of practice in thinking about how to get scarves to stay on my head by the time I got married.

Here's a personal reflection about hair covering through the course of a marriage, divorce and up-coming remarriage.  It isn't something I've really touched on, in this blog, and I really appreciated the perspective.  I think you will too.  Here's the same author's thoughts shortly after her divorce.  A lot of attention around women's head covering gets put into newlyweds and engaged women contemplating this practice.  Very little that I've seen goes into talking about divorce, loss and other changes that are less pleasant and exciting.  But that's part of a full and authentic look at any religious practice- how does it interface with the whole life?  I'm grateful for these posts opening up that door for me to look inside.

I'm A Star!

I've been featured at Wrapunzel, as this week's Lady Wrapstar.  Check out both some photos and an interview over there!  (And check out the blog while you're there- Andrea has some dynamite ideas, and some great how-to videos.)