Neither Fish Nor Fowl?

I came across this quote in the midst of a piece about mikvah, and it resonated with me in a very uncomfortable way.

"At one salon, a woman asked if my husband was home and when I responded no, she sighed in relief and pulled off her sheitl, wig. Women around the living room followed suit, pulling off sheitls, tichels, scarves, and hats, a collective shedding of our inhibitions. This was a safe space to open up and be in solidarity as women."
-http://www.myjewishlearning.com/blog/the-torch/2014/08/27/jewish-women-deserve-better/

It highlights the ways in which I am both part of the Orthodox community and in which I am specifically not.  I too would not remove my scarf if the host's husband were home- but without knowing in advance and packing a kippah or cap of some sort, I'm not going to take part in that collective intimacy of relaxing from the public face of hair covering- because I don't have a way of covering my head without my tichel on.  The issue is only accentuated since I presume some of this was a discussion of Torah, about which I feel even more strongly about doing with a covered head.

I don't think I've ever actually been in one of these situations.  But the thought of spoiling some sort of connection, or being excluded from it, because I am fulfilling two different Jewish values with my covering, is painful.  Yes, it's a pair of choices that I made- but out of a sincere attempt to follow halakha diligently.  Changing my mind would be a rejection of that.  But it can be something of a lonely place.

My Ambivalence About How-To Style Videos

I just came across a bunch of how-to videos that Judith De Paris, an online tichel seller, has up, explaining how to put on the various styles of scarves that she sells.  She sells a lot of scarves that are cut specifically for head covering, so they have different shapes and whatnot, and I imagine that a quick how-to is quite useful.

 (I've never bought or made a scarf in one of these styles, as I generally try to be pretty thrifty, and these tend to be a little more money than I want to invest in one scarf.  I have thought about making one, in one of the styles.)

However, these how-to videos all basically say "this is the one right way to wear this thing".

I've got to disagree.  This is the simplest way to wear that scarf.  It's the most obvious.  But the only way?  No.

I want head covering to be a way that I express my creativity.  It's a way of bringing your own sense of beauty and artistry into this mitzvah on a daily basis (or however often you cover, or however often you find time and inspiration to be creative with it).

I want to ask those videos- can I mix this specialized item with another regular scarf?   What about with additional accessories?  Can I fold it up in some way if I feel comfortable showing some of my hair, and want to, that day?

 I want to have fun, not just be beautiful in a prescribed way.  This is my adult woman's version of dress-up.  Does this scarf play nicely with others?