Being a Wedding Guest, and a Little on Cultural Sensitivity

 A few weeks ago, we went to my husband's cousin's wedding.  This is a pretty wedding-full summer for us: 5 in total, plus one we missed.  This was the second of the bunch.

 Pinning a necklace over the front of my covering is still my default for turning a covering into something wedding-worthy.

I'm always tempted to use something with a drop or a bangle in the front, evoking a tikka/bindi (Indian forehead decorations, which seem to evolve out of religious decorations/caste markers, but seem to be part of secular fashion as well). But as as pale an Ashkenazi as I am, it feels culturally inappropriate- something akin to orientalism.  So while I tried out a necklace with more oomph, and also a bunch of bits that dangled onto my forehead, I decided against.  I didn't take a picture- but even if I did, I might well be uncomfortable putting it online.  What do you think?

 This pin from my grandmother (she was getting rid of it- it's missing one or two of its rhinestones) has become pretty much my favorite pin for adding some sparkle to my scarves.

This scarf is quite long, so even with my tails both wrapped over my head and tied again in back, I had some tails left over.  The scarf is from the dollar store, and is somewhat stretchy.  It's also just a smidge see-through, and I suppose some folks might feel more comfortable with it wrapped around twice, but it didn't seem so transparent as to bother me.

How do you cover for attending a wedding, or other formal event?  Where are the cultural boundaries in what you will or won't wear? 

A Twisty Crown: A Shabbos or Mildly Dressy Style

 This is a variation on what often gets called the dutch crown, spun together with one of those classics of Shabbos hair-braiding, what was called a twist, I think.  It's also featured on wrapunzel, along with a how-to video.  I just made two of them, and intertwined them, dutch crown style.  (It's easier if you've secured the end of at least one of the sides with a hair elastic first.)

 I noticed that while this worked really well for me, I tried it out on my sister-in-law, and her head is a bit larger than mine- and the two twists weren't quite long enough to work out well.  So if you have a large head, you may want to use longer scarves than I did.  I imagine that you could use two separate scarves (both rectangles, I guess), wrapped around a separate scarf, which would give you a little bit more length to play with, and a different look.  I think I've given myself a new idea to play with.

 I did this with one square Israeli scarf- the very thin cotton kind, and one fairly narrow rectangular scarf.  So it made for pretty thin twists- especially as the twisting brings them to their narrowest.  That might make this a nice way to use this style without adding too much height or bulk, if that's something you don't find flattering for yourself.

Here's a general how-to:
1. Tie your square scarf with the back corner tucked in.  Keep your tails available.
2. Tie your rectangular scarf over it, keeping the tails of the first scarf available.  For this exact style, don't leave any of the first scarf showing in front.  (But that might be a nice variation, especially if you have some more space before where you want the twists.  Since I tend to show a little hair in front, I have less space.)
3. Arrange your tails with one from each scarf over each shoulder, so you have them in pairs.
4. Take the tails on one side.  Twist them each to the right, and wrap them around each other to the left (or vice versa.)  Secure at the bottom with a hair elastic.
5. Repeat with the other side.
6. Take both twists, and criss-cross them over your head, weaving them together, and tucking in the ends.
7. Adjust your placement, or any other fidgeting that you like to do.

I like the way that this can bring in just a touch of another color, helping to bring together an outfit.   It's also a way of making some decorative use of what might otherwise be an underscarf being used to keep a slippery top scarf in place...  It stayed in place very nicely for me, and the ends didn't tend to come loose, either.
And here's a close-up of my results:

Haircut, Style, and Covering

I read this article a few days ago, and somehow, although it's explicitly about short haircuts, and eccentric haircuts, it felt like something worth sharing here.  Here's the general claim of the article:
"Hair doesn’t make anyone beautiful but anyone can make their hair beautiful by rocking the ever-loving everything out of it. Have the length of hair you want at any given moment".
And that's something that I think is totally part of the style message that I want to send (even if most of the article is about cutting your hair off, and my hair is now the longest that it's ever been, and I'm pretty crazy about that).  To apply it to my topic at hand, I really believe in this covering thing- but do it in the way that rocks your world (not a phrase I'd usually use ever).  

The phrase that caught my attention is "command of her own presence".  Making your own decisions is taking command of your own presence, it's owning what you do with your body.  And it takes courage to do that.  Especially when I wore a kippah much of the time, it took courage to be myself, and to let other people react to it however they were going to react.  I still have those moments, although they're fewer.  

In other words, "Sometimes, in cutting off this type of hair, you really achieve a wider, louder broadcast of your identity as it is and as you want it to be."  The head has this power to project identity.  A headshot is all we put on drivers' licenses and passports because it's enough to see our heads in order to see who we are.  So doing something authentic to yourself with your head is a really powerful way of signalling who you really are.  

In other words- go forth and be yourself.  It seemed like a message worth sharing.  

Looking for Input: Covering and Grey Hair

Dear Readers,
I recently read a post about styling grey hair, with a lot of thinking about whether or not to dye graying hair.  I was wondering if any of you had any input about how covering your hair impacts how you feel about or handle your graying or gray hair.

Comments or guest posts are welcome.  Comments can go here.  To guest-post, write me at mkosowsky @ gmail dot com

Photos Need A Title

Here's a covering I put together a few weeks ago.  My plans were to put together something that felt comfortable, secure, and inspiring.  I ended up with this wrap, using 2 rectangular scarves, one ribbon, and a hair clip.

I wrapped the first scarf, and tied it in the back, with two equal ends.  I used a smaller scarf for the second one, so I tied it quite unevenly- with one long end, and one so-short-it-almost-didn't-exist end.  I took the 3 hanging tails (2 from the first scarf, and 1 from the second), and wrapped a ribbon around one of the ends, and braided it.  I secured the braid, and tied the excess ribbon into a bow.  The accessory was just a random throw-on, it felt right, and I wanted to bring the colors together with my mostly-black outfit, as well.

How's That for A Hat (or Veil)?

The article this links to isn't much- but take a look at the bride's covering(s).  How's that for a hat?  Or a veil?  Or a hat+veil?  Take a look particularly at the 5th and, most clearly, 7th photographs.

Medieval-esque

Remember my first attempt with wrapping a scarf-braid around my head? I promised to let you know what happened with a braid with more different strands.  Here's the result, with a five-stranded braid, using 5 different scarves (some quite thin, as I didn't want to turn into the braid-head monster):

 The braid is made using the tutorial here, which is very easy to understand and to carry off.

I secured the first end with a hair clip, while I braided, then brought the ends together at the back of my head and used a hair elastic, covered with a scrunchie, to secure the ends.  The tails have a lot of bulk, rather reminiscent of a decorative head-band I saw on a little girl at shul recently- it had lots of ribbons hanging down in the back.




My impression was that it looked sort of like we imagine the Medieval period (rather than like what it was actually like, which I'm less sure of).

It's fun, and it's something you can make in advance, then take off, and slip back on later.  Good perhaps for packing to transform yourself from work clothes to something more festive.

Shabbos Tails

This was a recent Shabbos style- two scarves, one headband.  The fun is that all the "work" is done with one scarf, with one tail wrapped over the head.  The other scarf just weaves in and out of that band, ties behind the ear.  It makes a nice accent on the head, and some bulk below for those of us who sometimes miss having hair hanging down.

 It makes a lot of effect in front, without a lot of layers to have to worry about.  And it adds some height without being overwhelming.

I tend not to like tails hanging down for work days, they tend to say romantic rather than professional to me.  For shabbos or a party, I adore them, and this style definitely provides.

 This is a side view, so you see how the thing came together structurally.

And apparently, neither Haggai nor I noticed that I had a tag sticking up...  Oh well.  You see my flaws as well as my creativity.

Spiritual Functioning of the Kippah

I was talking to my husband about how he felt about wearing a kippah.  What we came up with was this:

Wearing a kippah is about a baseline.  It isn't so noticeable in itself, but it means that taking it off is a signal to yourself.  Taking it off, or disguising it, means that what you're doing is likely to be questionable.

 Sometimes, questioning it may yield the answer that you're answering to another Jewish value that makes doing something that is halakhically marginal appropriate (for example, going into a non-kosher restaurant to be with your family).






Sometimes, it turns out to be a reminder that actually, this isn't a good choice.

But either way, without the baseline, you don't have the reminder.  It makes an awareness of other people's gaze into a reminder of God's gaze.

What message does your kippah (or devotional head-covering practice) send you? 

 How do you feel about it?  

Using Braids

As a kid, I wore my hair in braids pretty much all the time.  Really- one braid or two, usually french-braided, was my go-to for years.  I'd brush my hair, then go sit down in front of my mother's bed, and she'd braid my hair while she listened to NPR and I read.

I have a long history with braids, in other words.  And I love them, they're beautiful.  I enjoy playing with different braids for challah, and braiding the dangly edging of my scarves when I'm bored.

I also love playing with braids on my coverings.  In the past, I've braided the ends of my scarves, or taken those braided ends and wrapped it around a bun.

This time, I made a braid first, then tied it on around my head.

This one was four-stranded, made of two scarves folded in half and looped together, and sort of improvised.  You could just as easily group two ends together, and make a regular three-stranded braid.

I'm going to play with some larger flat braids, and see what they look like (stay tuned).  So far, this looks like a nice way of dressing up a plain scarf, using some of those scarves that are too thin to use for a covering on their own.  Add it to the list of ways to use a narrow scarf (or two).